Big Ole Grump Box

That's what I've been this week. I'm tired of working ALL of the time. I'm tired of neglecting the things that are important; putting them off until I'm done with other stuff, stuff which is not as important long-term. I can see that it's starting to take its toll. A co-worker voiced yesterday that she's been feeling really grumpy lately and needs a REAL vacation. BOY could I relate! This might be wrong, but it felt good to know that someone could relate to how I've been feeling (although she and I are pretty similar in a lot of ways anyway).

I just want to drive around at night with my husband and kids and "oooh and ahhh" at the pretty Christmas lights! I want to make Christmas cookies and chocolate cocoa with the kids. I want to lay around in my PJ's and thermal socks and watch all of the Christmas classics (Rudolph, Frosty, Charlie Brown, Wonderful Life, etc...) I want to lay on my mom's couch and hear my grandmother's old Christmas 45s on a turntable while sipping hot apple cider. In short, I just want to be happy this Christmas. Last Christmas was the first one in my entire life that I was unhappy and slightly depressed. My Grandmother's health took a turn for the worse on Christmas Day 2007. We were with her in the hospital and I could tell she was getting worse, even though my heart wouldn't accept it. She passed away suddenly 5 days later and my family was heartbroken. I had hoped this Christmas would be better, but so far I just feel burnt out.

My son's behavior has been leaving lots to be desired at school lately, also. That's really got me down more than anything, I believe. He's always been the perfect kid that everyone loves being around, but all of a sudden his daily progress reports have negative feedback on them everyday. I know that this is just a phase, but I'm not handling it well on the inside. He turns 5 on Sunday, so he's just a little one. But this time in his life is critical to who he will become as a man, and I want to be sure that everything I do as his mom pushes him in the right direction.

Next week is my last week in the office until January (and I'm only going in for 4 days). Maybe I can do some of the things I mentioned above during my two weeks off! That would be nothing short of a miracle, but as long as I'm not sitting around working constantly and feeling stressed, I'm already going in a better direction. :-)

Holiday Break

Work is somewhat dampening my feelings of rest and relaxation this week. Huge release soon, and I was up ALL night finishing up some stuff because I REFUSE to work during this break with my family. So what WILL I be doing during this glorious five-day weekend?



Cooking dinner. I LOVE Thanksgiving dinner. My husband and I anticipate this wonderful meal months in advance! My specialties are baked macaroni & cheese (no one makes it as good as I do), turkey dressing, and potato salad. Chris makes the best turkey smoked greens. We also usually prepare corn, potato souffle, cranberry sauce, and cornbread. I'm about to get started shortly.

Reading. I, like most people who are married with kids, NEVER find time to just sit down and leisurely read. For someone who loves books so much, it's a shame that I don't get this opportunity much. Maybe I'll get back into this great programming book I love or possibly even FINALLY pick back up on Book 6 of Harry Potter.

Putting up the Christmas tree. This will mark the earliest that we will have done this! Every year I dream of decorating the tree on Thanksgiving evening after dinner. Christmas has definitely come earlier this year than most others and I'm excited about that! Best time of year FOR SURE!

Resting, resting, resting. I hope that what I do more than anything else is just lay around and relax. Whenever I get a break from work, I always feel this guilt about resting. I was raised that way though...a day off meant time to get chores done and go visit people you haven't seen in a long time. There's no resting! Well my hubby and I don't share this philosophy on life, so I'm more than happy to lay around in my pj's all day!



Dinner with family. We are going to my parents' house this year, as we do every year. Last year, we actually met at a restaurant not far from the hospital my grandmother was staying in at the time. My mom was with her 24 hours a day 7 days a week, so getting mom to leave for a little while for dinner was a task. But with things turning out the way they did, this year will be really special at my parents' house. We'll be sure not to take anything or anyone for granted anymore.

Try some new hairstyles and makeup. I used to be really good at styling my hair really pretty. After becoming a mom, that just took such a low priority. If I have a little time, I may play around with it this weekend. I also have a TON of makeup that I've bought over time that's accumulating. Might play around with that too; I used to be a glamour girl, and now it's like I don't even care anymore. It happens to many of us though...I just don't want to completely neglect my looks full time...I'm already going down that path now with my lack of exercise and my bad eating habits. I don't want to become a complete hag, if I can help it.

Starting a new blog. I used to post to this blog almost every single day. That was before all of my worlds began to collide. Before my family, church family, co-workers, and friends were all accessible to my thoughts and a recount of my actions via the same medium. It's made it difficult for me to be completely transparent. There are now repercussions for being honest and true to who you are online. So I'm going to do the same thing a good friend of mine has done. I'm creating a "private" blog where I can just be Tami and talk about the things that are a deep part of me and I that I may sometimes want trusted feedback on. I'll continue to post to this blog about the cool, funny and superficial things that are current. But I'm guarding my heart and not exposing every part of me to the public anymore.

That should be enough for 5 days. Next week is going to be ridiculously busy so I better enjoy every moment I can! Have a great Thanksgiving Day and remember to show and/or tell those around you how important they are to you!

New Beginnings

2008 has been some year. I spent the first few months of it trying to recover from the sudden, overwhelming loss of both my grandmother and my 10-year old dog Sheba. Later came the suggestion from my kids' pediatrician that I should have my son evaluated for a couple of potential developmental issues. So I spent the first half of the year extremely distracted. I wasn't able to function at work the way I had envisioned early fall of last year. I was on a roll back in Sept 2007, and figured I'd be at a certain point by Sept 2008 that would seriously catapult my career-path. However, I spent most of my time dealing with the heartbreaking agony of death and focused on ensuring the mental health and development of my children to the best of my ability. I have been emotionally exhausted overall. But the Lord has carried me through all of this, no doubt about that. I wouldn't even be able to type this, let alone function normally these days otherwise.



Tomorrow, I will be working from home, and Tuesday begins my son's first day of Pre-K in a new Christian school in our area. I will be praying for his continued health, safety, growth, development, and protection everyday of his life. His classroom will be on the same hall as 2nd and 3rd graders. He will be taking his lunch to school and eating in the cafeteria. He will be going to the library for quiet reading time! My little 4-year old baby boy!! My daughter just started a new school last Wednesday; I will continue praying the same blessings over her life. Both kids' schools are within minutes of our home, and will thus cut our daily commute time by an entire hour and a half!! I'm getting an hour and a half of my day back to spend with my family instead of sitting on the roads of Atlanta cursing out stupid non-driving morons and asking my kids to stop whining on our LONG drive home everyday! Thank God.

I feel like with these new opportunities comes the opportunity for growth in different areas of my life (family, job, church, friends). I will continue to pray over this and do the best I can to stay focused on the heart of God and live as a true example of His grace and love as much as possible. One thing we know for sure...tomorrow on Earth isn't promised to any of us, and I'm going to start living like it!!

Capturing the moment v/s living the moment

A good friend of mine loves to take photos. From time to time she will even bring her camera to work and snap shots of us (whether we are in the mood for it or not) :-) One of the things about her pictures that I always think is so cute is the sheer number of them that she takes! If she printed them out you could use her pictures as a flip book and view animation for goodness sakes. No, I'm not exaggerating.



She and I were talking recently about fun trips we've taken over the past couple of years. She said something that got me thinking. She mentioned that when she's on a trip, she's never really having as much fun as she does looking back on the trip. I found this surprising considering how happy she always looks in the pics. Then I reminded myself of the fact that, again, she always has TONS of pictures to share. I began wondering if this is related. I started thinking about all of my friends who vacation a lot, and it occurred to me that most of them are actually this way. They have several gigabytes of photos accumulated from a trip that only lasted 3 or 4 days. I started wondering whether or not these people are spending a great deal of their trip trying to get the perfect photo to show to others when they get back home. In the age of social networking, are we more concerned with what our Flickr or Facebook friends will think of our photos than we are about having a great time with our friends and loved ones? Interesting times we are living in...they kind of sneaked up on me to be completely honest.

In fact, I even caught myself scrolling through my memory card photos during the drive home, wondering which ones I could share, and what people would think when they saw them. Then I said to myself "Who cares what OTHERS think of MY family photos?" I like the pictures and that's what matters. This attitude should probably be used more often in my life. I'm 33 years old and so far, reacting to the opinions of others has gotten me NOTHING positive in this life. :-)

Fresh Start?

I'm in the process of getting my mind ready for tomorrow. I'm a little tired and I really need to go to bed. But I want to be sure that I am prepared for my day so that it proves productive. I have 5 months left to make the most out of 2008. I need to eat better, pray more, watch less TV, read more, and be a better steward of the money that my family receives.

Let's see, how will I get this started? I will be sure to incorporate at least an hour of exercise into the majority of my week. I will take better care to put good foods into my body. I'm going to start doing bible devotionals every few days. Finally, I am going to take more initiative in caring for my household. This includes taking more control over understanding every bill that gets paid, every debit that hits our checking account, and exercising more will-power when it comes to my debit card.

Tomorrow is a new beginning!

Dream Family Vacation

I know that for most people the words "dream" and "vacation" don't belong in the same sentence as the word "family", unless the word "NOT" is also in place. SO not the case for me and my family.

My entire family has been vacationing in Destin, Florida since early Sunday afternoon. We are staying in a 4-bedroom, 3-story home in a subdivision on the beach. I do not even know how to describe this home and do it justice. I always brag about the villa we stay in every year in Orlando, but this tops that by miles. This home has everything! My parents bedroom has a terrace overlooking the pier. The bedroom Chris and I are staying in has a HUGE garden tub that has gotten much use! (TMI??) My sister and her hubby have a ginormous room on the bottom level that is connected to the kids' room. All four kids are together and loving it! There is a backyard for the kids to play when we're not out on the town. The third floor is a loft with cushy chairs, a tv, bathroom, refrigerator, and TWO more terraces overlooking the pier, beach, and the town of Destin.

This week, we've all gone to the beach together, an amusement park, gone on a glassbottom boat for a dolphin tour, eaten at Fudpucker's restaurant (legendary around these parts, I think), and SO much more! We have been playing board games, and cards together some evenings. Other times, we just sit around and read, surf the web, or whatever we feel like doing, which is in my eyes, the PERFECT vacation!

This morning, we will be checking out something called Gulfarium, and playing the rest of the day by ear. I could not have planned a better vacation if I was given an entire year to do so. I honestly feel that the Lord knew how much my family needed this amazingly wonderful time together after the extremely morbid end of 2007 we experienced. Thank you SO much Lord for blessing my family with this special time together. This has officially become a Hill-Gill-Lyseight family tradition!!!

I'll post pics on Facebook once we arrive back in Atlanta and have time to settle in a bit.

More Money, More Problems

I felt inspired to bump this post up today. It's from Feb 2007.

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Originally posted on February 20, 2007

The title of this post happens to be inspired by the tenth track on the late Notorious B.I.G.'s album "Life After Death". And, it's actually entitled "Mo Money, Mo Problems", but I have a major problem with the dismissal of proper grammar. I've always been interesting that way. But I digress...

Lately, I have found myself thinking a lot about people that I know who are wealthy. There is a definite pattern among these individuals/couples that I simply cannot get past. There appears to be a lack of a special love and happiness that I figured was standard for a married couple. In fact, I will go as far as to say that an underlying contention is present and I find this unsettling. I think to myself, "Ah, this absence of happiness must be associated with the lifestyle that is accompanied by huge incomes". There is a reason why this thought has been more prevalent in my mind recently.

Chris and I have always been that couple that loves going on long drives and remarking on how different areas that we are familiar with have changed over time. We enjoy driving through communities in East Cobb County and looking at the gargantuan homes with awe. Never once do we actually discuss living in an area such as this; it has just never come up in conversation. However, now that Chris is in law school, we both know in the back of our minds that the possibility that we will end up in one of these areas now exists. If Chris completes law school, and takes his career in a particular direction, who knows what type of lifestyle we will be able to afford! I definitely think about this from time to time.

To be honest, sometimes my mind travels down a road that leads directly to fear. Every now and then, it crosses my mind that Chris and I could become "that couple". You know, the one that used to be happy before they started making so much money. That scares me sometimes, to be completely honest. So I spent some time in prayer over this a while back. Over the course of time I began to realize something that could only have come from the blessing of God's wisdom. The sum total of your family life will not be determined by how much money you have in your bank account. Actually, what affects your life and all those in it will be based upon the importance that money (and the things that money can buy you) has over your life.

For example, there is a couple that is a part of my family and I'm privy to their financial situation. The husband and wife both make what I would consider to be somewhat comfortable incomes. If you look at the way that they live, however, you would guess that they were both pulling in six-figure salaries. Here's the thing: there is a constant battle of wills in their marriage. The wife is "always wanting more" because she is used to spending every dime that they have, and always feels that stretching their income just "one more inch" won't make a huge difference on their livelihood. Since I've known them, they've lost two homes to foreclosure, lost one of their vehicles suspiciously, and always seem to be digging themselves out from under the mound of worry and grief that is debt. Yet every time I see them, they are looking for a way to get a bigger home, or a brand new car, or something along those lines.

Then there's the example of David VanConkrite. He was a hugely successful businessman, with connections in all of the right places. He and his wife Janice owned a sprawling mansion and other homes across the country. They played tennis regularly with A-list celebrities. However, David and Janice wanted so much more out of life. They are extremely wealthy, but decided that they could only be truly happy if they used the large amount of money that they generated to reach out to others that are less fortunate. Thus, they sold their lavish homes, expensive cars, and put most of what they had into a ministry here in Atlanta known as Blood-N-Fire ministries. They live in a comfortable home inside of the perimeter and drive cars similar to what a person with a mid-level income could afford. AND they are probably the happiest couple that you could ever have the pleasure of being around. The love they have for each other and for the ministry just bounces off of them and permeates whatever room they are in.

In a nutshell, it's not the size of your income that has the most control over your happiness. No, what matters is what you happen to deem most important in this one life we get to live here on Earth. For most of us, unfortunately, possessions are at the very top of this list, thus contributing to the attitude that no amount of money is ever good enough. This reminds me of the well-known quote from Rockefeller. Someone asked him how much money would be enough for him. His answer was, "Just a little bit more". If that's the way that people choose to live their lives, there's nothing that I can do about it, nor do I wish to. But I am challenging myself to guard my heart, mind, and family in the coming days. God-willing, my family will not become a negative statistic.

Should I Stay or Should I Go

I don't talk much about this, but my hubby and I have been strongly considering relocating in a few years. There are other places in the US that seem like nice places to live, and we are pretty much OVER living in Atlanta. This past weekend we got the opportunity to be with great friends of ours who live in another town a few hours away from Atlanta. This is our second time visiting with them, and just like last time, we were sad to leave. Twice as sad this time, because we now have two sets of friends that live there. But we were not only sad to leave because they are such wonderful friends, we also just weren't super excited about heading back to Atlanta.

We talked a little about this on the drive back. Later during the drive while lost in my own thoughts, I started making a list of pros and cons of staying in Atlanta vs leaving Atlanta for a much smaller town. Here is what I came up with:

Pros of staying Atlanta:

My family is here (kids are already close to their grandparents and cousins)

Most of my friends are here

I grew up here and know the history of this town (easier to measure trends and patterns, where to live, etc...)

Schools are a little better

The sky's the limit for growth in my career field

Affluent Blacks are everywhere here (good for the kids to see and experience this)

Not as racially polarized

My hairstylist is here...there are none like him anywhere :-)

Lenox Square, Phipps Plaza and Perimeter Mall

Cons of staying in Atlanta:

Traffic, traffic, traffic

Affluent blacks are everywhere here (this can also be bad here; many "black bourgeoisie" attitudes are downright MEAN)

People are too superficial here in general (looks, profession, home, vehicles, etc...)

City of Atlanta government SUCKS!

Crime rate has grown tremendously


As you can see, the pros of staying in Atlanta outweigh the the cons, but only by a little. The cons are mostly centered around traffic and the superficiality of Atlanta. Later on, I'll make up a list of pros and cons of moving to a small town (strange as it may sound, this list won't be exactly the same as the pros and cons of staying in Atlanta).

Faith in the midst of confusion

I'm sure that I've posted before about my faith in God. Always the optimist, I never cease to believe that good will come out of every situation. As a parent, I have come to realize that no experience in your life good or bad can affect you the as much as anything involving your child. I'm pretty sure that when I'm touting positive messages for people to hear and even to affirm these things to my heart, mind, and spirit, it's because I don't really have a lot to lose in any of these situations. There will always be someone to bail me out emotionally (my hubby), or financially (my parents).

Right now, I am in the middle of dealing with something centered around my son. Please don't be alarmed. His health is great, and we are all doing fine. He loves school, he and his little sister get along great, and continue to be a joy to all of those that they are around. But I am now learning what it's like to REALLY have faith in God. My son is going through a series of exams based on a referral from his pediatrician. Again, this isn't related to his physical health at all. This is all I feel comfortable saying about it in such a public forum at this time, even though only about 2 or 3 people read this.

I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach. Lately, I've been in a state of constantly holding back tears so that I don't have to deal with real possibilities. My son goes in for an exam tomorrow morning at 9am. We have to drive 45 minutes northwest of here for an exam, another hour back to his school, and then 20 minutes to my job. I'm not so much whining about all of the driving, as much as I am pointing out that I'm not going to be in the best state emotionally tomorrow. It's almost 11:30pm right now, and my son and I have to be leaving the house in 8 hours. :-S

So, now it's time for me to put up or shut up. I honestly don't believe that life is just some place for us to congregate for 75 or 80 years and have fun, fun, fun. I believe that we all have a purpose that is revealed to us in due time. And I do believe that God wants to have a relationship with Him, and for us to trust Him and His word. I don't have any problem trusting Him. So why do I feel so scared? I am not terrified for my son at all; I know that he will be fine. But will I? I am so confused sometimes about how to be a good mother to my children. Time is tick, tick, ticking away, and things are starting to be revealed in my children that I believe are a direct reflection on me as a mother.

I'm really worn out. These visits to the doctor with people asking all of these repetitive questions about my son are starting to take their toll. Our lives are already somewhat hectic...adding this log to the fire my just do me in, I don't know.

:SIGH: Hopefully, my post tomorrow will not find me so emotionally weak and exhausted. Good night.

Beyond Myself

What's with the random, new blog template design? What does "beyond myself" refer to? Both are valid questions.

I'm trying to come up with a nice Spring design that I'm happy with for my blog. So far, I've been completely unsuccessful. I usually only have about 1 hour to myself during the week, and even less than that on the weekends, sadly. Okay, I'm exaggerating about the weekends, but still. The graphic at the top of my blog is one that I found online. It reminds me of my childhood. It reminds me of the area my late aunt Gwen lived in when my sister and I were very young, and would visit her. I really get nostalgic when I think about being at her house as a little child. She used to have a pretty dog named Lassie. She had very nice neighbors...the Landers family. There was a girl my age who my sister and I played with a lot. She was so sweet and very pretty. I ran into her back in the summer of 1994, I believe. Wow, it's amazing where my brain will go when I let it wander with restraints.

Beyond Myself refers to my state of mind right now. Today I had my FILL of selfishness and superficiality. It was a little much. When I look back 3 years, I remember that I wasn't as concerned about my physical appearance as I am now. I've always been extremely vain, but never this overly concerned about my physical appearance. I was a much happier, low-key person then. I just enjoyed my life and appreciated the things that mattered: my husband, my family, my friends, my church family, my service to God. I look back at pictures of me right before and after I had my son, and even right after having my daughter. I look so much happier and my smile looks a lot less forced and "posey". I want to go back to those times. Or maybe it's simply my attitude that needs adjusting. Either way I definitely need to get on a path that takes me away from this overly self-involved person I've become over the past three years.

Please forgive the quickly thrown together blog template design. Maybe the next time I get a week off from work, I'll have some play time to put together a really nice web design. I know, not likely, huh?

"Clause" and Effect

I bumped this post up just to reflect for a moment. Life certainly comes at you fast whether you're ready or not. This post was originally written on November 11 at 9:58 am. So many things were different. I was still grieving over the loss of my dog Sheba. I was worried sick about my grandmother in the hospital, and worried just as much over my mother who I could tell was suffering a great deal emotionally.

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Original Date of Post: 11/11/07 - 9:58 AM

Life has certainly been interesting over the past month or so. This morning, I woke up feeling under the weather. My daughter and I are both sneezing all over the place. My hubby went on to church without us, as it seems to have been the case over the past few weeks.

My grandmother is on day 17 in the hospital. At this point, her breathing seems to be under control, but she is completely miserable. They inserted a feeding tube inside of her because she wasn't eating anything. On top of the effects of the emphysema, she is also suffering due to nicotine withdrawal (anxiety, lack of appetite, etc...) She spends a lot of time moaning, which is difficult for everyone around her who loves her to see. Still no word at all on how much longer she'll be hospitalized, or what needs to happen so that she will be ready to return home. My mom has been living in the ICC waiting room at Emory Hospital this whole time. She only goes home once per week to wash clothes and grab a few more things to bring back to the hospital. I think that this is due to the fact that my grandmother gets extremely anxious any second that my mom is not in the room with her. Such a difficult situation.

In some ways I'm still dealing with the fact that Sheba is gone. It sneaks up on me from time to time. I always saved the bones from chicken wings for her, since she loved crunching them. So now, if I'm eating wings, for example, it's like remembering all over again that she's not coming back when I realize don't need to save the bones. You know what I mean? I long to feel her fur on the side of my face while she snuggles with me. I really, really miss her. Still not sure about a new puppy yet...hard to think about in too much detail thus far.

My hubby and I were talking the other day about how short this life is. I really treasure spending time with him. It got me thinking about the people, places and things that I love so much. Getting some free time with my husband; spending a weekend afternoon with my sister; going to Disney World with the family; sitting out in the CNN atrium eating lunch and gabbing with my co-workers; going to the movies/having lunch with my friend Chrissy; going to Golden Corral with the hubby and kids on Saturday afternoon; going to Camp Greenville with the students at Mount Paran; having long phone conversations with my mom;

Really?

If you're a parent (especially a mom) you can probably appreciate this quick story. Our house was a complete and utter disaster over the past week and a half. I woke up with a vengeance on Saturday morning eager to get the house back in order. I actually got up at 6:30am to wash dishes. Yes, our dishwasher conked out on us about 3 weeks ago. The same day my cheap-a** Ford Explorer also started giving me problems and my family and I had to carpool all over metro-Atlanta for 3 hour daily commutes.

We decided this weekend to completely wean my daughter off of pull-ups. She'll be 3 years old in June, and she already knows how to potty. I refuse to keep paying $17 every couple of weeks for her to wear just in case she has an accident. Not when gas is $4 per friggin' gallon. But of course, my daughter decided yesterday to keep doing a #2 in her underwear. Of course she NEVER does this when we have pull-ups on her on the weekends as we usually do. So this behavior is the opposite of most kids. Usually, the fact that they are wearing non-absorbent underwear prevents them from "pottying" on themselves. Not my daughter...she's always got to be a challenge. :-) She pooped in 3 sets of underwear yesterday, I believe, and I kept having to take her to the bathroom, wash her off, give her clean underwear to wear, and new pants to put on. One pair of poopie undies she actually placed in the dirty clothes hamper in our washing area without my knowledge. So when I'm going to town washing clothes and getting things clean, I don't even notice that I'm loading a pair of underwear FULL of poop in the friggin' washing machine.

So when I go to unload the washing machine, I notice that the clothes smell HORRIBLE! What the heck?! It occurs to me later that my daughter must have got her poopie undies in the load. Shoot. So I reload the clothes, and restart them in another load with extra washing detergent. An hour later, I go to unload them again expecting to smell nice fresh clothes. They smell even worse this time!!! What the heck??!! I start picking through the entire load this time to figure out what the heck is going on. I figure it out in my head before I actually eyeball the reason right in front of me. The poop wasn't washed from the underwear in the first load. In a nutshell, I just washed poop into ALL of mine, my hubby's, and the kids' nice clothes. Washed poop INTO the clothes?? Come on!! Life is busy and tiring enough...who has time to wash a load of clothes 3 times? I completely lost an entire day of washing due to this incident.

As I was in the middle of typing this post, my daughter ran into my room and said, "Mommy, I pooped on the potty!!" I ran into the bathroom and she pointed proudly into the toilet to display her feat. I gave her a high-five and a big kiss on the cheek! Those kids know how to turn things around and turn Mommy's scowl into a happy smile!! :-)

Chrisondra Kimble and Del Mattox

Today marks one year since the brutal killings of two precious young people. Two precious cousins of mine that I never got the pleasure to meet. Chrisondra "Sierra" Kimble and Delarlonva Mattox departed this life on April 5, 2007. I find myself thinking of them on a regular basis. I think about Sierra's mom "Buttons", and Dell's father, who he was named after. I am thinking about their beloved Aunt Vivian who I saw at my Grandmother's funeral a few months ago, and who is still in a grief-stricken state. How can they cope with something so horrible? I am speaking the Lord's prayers and comfort over them.

Last year was just a horrible year. Back in January I spoke about moving forward, and about how "2008 would be GREAT" but right now, it just hurts thinking about these two babies. I know that the Lord understands grief more than any of us here on Earth. He never promised us that we wouldn't experience the pain of loss, but He has always promised to be with us through it all. I know that He has been here. Thank you Lord for reminding me to trust you. Please bless all of the precious families who have spent the past year grieving their babies, spouses, parents, siblings, best friends, etc...

Family Tragedy (originally posted May 1, 2007)

I Haven't Forgotten You (originally posted August 14, 2007)


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Here we go again...

...with the weight thing.

I know, it's a never-ending thing with me. This time around, however, I'm starting in a much better position than usual. I'm already in pretty good shape, and in my opinion I look awesome in my size 6's. However, I'm now embarking on something that I haven't ever concerned myself with in the past. This time, I'm going hardcore: I want to get into a floral print string bikini.

Let me just say that I truly believe that if I lived in some other region of the US, I wouldn't even care about stuff like this. But I live in Atlanta. Most of us are very superficial here, and care a lot about physical appearance (see Miami, LA). It's just the way it is. Or maybe it's just the people that I'm closest too, and whose opinions I care the most about? Hmmm....I'll explore that one later.

So I'm on a serious mission to be bikini-ready by June 20 (beginning of summer). I am actually excited about it! As I mentioned, I'm already tank-top and flip-flop ready. The main motivation for the bikini-feat is the fact that my family is going on a trip to Myrtle Beach mid-July. I have to represent. I do NOT usually do the beach and I don't swim; we're the kind of people that go to the beach just because it's pretty, not to actually get into the water. So I don't usually have a need for a bikini. I typically just wear shorts and a tank top.

Thanks to my friend Vanessa, I'm already on victoriasecret.com looking at swimsuits. Maybe this will keep my Zaxby's-chicken-wing-eating self in the gym at least 4 days a week. Actually, the gym isn't the problem. If I can just remember to use the push-back method I'll be in good shape. (Push-back from the table)

Orlando Trip - Days 3 - 7 in a nutshell

Quick explanation about the Orlando trip posts. As you probably already know, my family visits Orlando, FL every year in late Winter/early Spring. Since my hubby began law school a few years ago, we have started vacationing in Orlando during the week of his Spring Break. It always occurs during the last week of February through the first week of March. Due to my obsession with Orlando, FL, and also my new found discoveries of how to have the best Orlando vacation ever, I blogged during the entire week there last year.

This year, I didn't do that. We were in TOTAL relaxation mode this year, and I just decided not to do anything that would require me to actually have to think and ponder. :-) But, I still want to share the great times and also share a few great tips. What follows is a rushed version of the remaining 4 days of my family vacation; bear in mind that I will add updates to this post for the remaining days of the trip as time permits, but I will mostly likely also move on and start posting about some other things that are going on in my life as well.

Mon, Mar 3 -

On this particular day we ended up going back to Universal Studios. We decided to do things a little differently, though, in an effort to determine whether or not we could provide an even more relaxing, productive day. For starters, we got up a few hours earlier; no sleeping in until noon. We all ate breakfast in the villa. Just a small bowl of cereal for the hubby and I, and pop tarts and milk for the kids. We already understood via experience that by the time we actually leave the villa, drive to the theme park, get through the entrance to the park and get ready to start actually enjoying our day it would be time to eat again within 1 or 2 hours anyway, so why stuff ourselves with the Rooty Tooty Fresh & Fruity? Besides, stuffing ourselves this way previously only made us extremely drowsy by the time we actually got settled in inside of the park. I want to point out that the villa we stay in is located in the Buena Vista area, close to the Walt Disney World manigate. So the villa is not close to Universal Orlando at all. And we love taking the scenic route down International Drive to get to Universal; this day was no exception. On the way to Universal, we pass Pointe Orlando which is an area mostly visited by people staying at the Orlando World Conference Center. It's VERY nice, and there's about a half-mile stretch on this area of International Drive that is really pretty and just buzzing with activity. We thought it would be fun to check some of these things out since we kept driving back and forth past them to and from Universal. Unfortunately, we weren't able to find any activities in that area that were age appropriate for our kids. They were either too small or would have been completely uninterested in any of the things we saw at the time. So we continued on for another 10 minutes until we arrived at Universal.

Our morning breakfast idea definitely paid off. We ended up being able to do a lot more in less time, and we never really felt drowsy at all for the entire time we were in the park. Even the kids, as young as they are, were great the whole time; didn't even need naps. We rode ET: The Ride, one of my classic favorites, watched the Barney in the Park show (the kids' favorite), saw the Animal Adventure show for the first time which I highly recommend, and we also had lunch at my favorite spot Boulangerie. We were already tired of burgers, hot dogs, and fries, and Boulangerie was a great change of pace with its yummy crossaint sandwiches and new potato salad. YUM!

By 4:30pm, we felt content that we had done all that we needed to do for the day. Our tickets are unlimited entry for 7 consecutive days, so we didn't feel the need to pack too much stuff into any one day since we would be in Orlando for another 2 1/2 days.

Orlando Trip - Day 2 (Sun, Mar 2)

The kids didn't go to bed until after 1am on the evening of Day 1. So the hubby and I didn't get to bed until even later. We all sleep in Sunday morning as I feel EVERYONE should do at least one day while on vacation. We don't even get out of the bed until after 10am. Everyone finally gets dressed and we packed the kids carry-along bags for our first day at Universal Studios! We leave the villa and drive across the street to I-Hop. This is as good a time as any to point out that there are a myriad of yummy, delicious I-Hops in Orlando, FL. A couple of them are "meh", but most of the ones I've eaten in have the BEST food ever. Why do ALL of the I-Hops in Atlanta suck so bad??!! The best ones in Atlanta are about as good as the "meh" ones in Orlando. This is a major source of frustration. Moving on. We get a waitress with a New York accent thicker than Debi Mazar. I decide I love her based on this alone. GREAT food and service as always.

We leave I-Hop and drive 15 minutes northwest down I-4 to Universal Studios. (Tip: I bought 2-park, unlimited entry tickets for hubby, son, and myself. Only $83 per ticket, and the tickets are good for up to 7 consecutive days. A total STEAL!) We had a great day. It felt like there was no one at all in the park until later in the afternoon. We spent most of the day just enjoying the gorgeous weather and ambiance, but we also rode the Jimmy Neutron ride, Woody Woodpecker roller coaster, and had lunch at Nathan's Hot Dog stand. The kids got pictures with Spongebob, Dora, and Jimmy Neutron which was also fun! We decided that we would have to visit Universal Studios again the next day to take in some fun shows that we knew the kids would enjoy.

We get back to the villa by 6pm or so. We decide to just have dinner in the villa, and by dinner I mean turkey and swiss sandwiches with chips. We all get to bed much earlier this night, thankfully.

More tips: Most visitors to Orlando (and Florida in general) come from all over the country, not just the surrounding states. According to the Florida Bureau of Transportation, since most people have to work Monday through Friday, most of the travelers to Florida get on the road on Friday evening/Saturday morning. Most vacationers don't get settled in until early evening on Saturday. This means that if you were to visit the Orlando theme parks on a Saturday, the park would be a lot less crowded than some other days. Most vacationers wake up in Florida on Sunday morning ready to hit the parks. Sunday will be your most crowded day at any theme park. There is a different formula to take into account for Walt Disney World based on the fact that it consists of 4 separate parks. I'll get into detail in the *tips* section of the Day 3 post.

It's 5:30am...

...and I haven't been to sleep yet.

My hubby picked me up from work at 4:15pm today, and we drove straight to our tax accountant's office. Our appointment was at 5:30pm and we actually got there by 5pm on the dot. We walked in to face about 10 people already waiting. The receptionist asked us if we wanted to go eat, shop, watch a movie...something to kill the time. We gave her our cell number so she could call us while we were out and let us know when we should head back to the office. Oh, by the way, my hubby has been getting sicker and sicker with each passing hour of the past couple of days. Bad time to get sick.

Even so, we went ahead to get dinner at my favorite restaurant...Pappadeaux!! YUM!! I hadn't eaten there in years! I looked at my watch after we finished eating. It was 7:30pm. No call from the receptionist yet, so we decided to chance a movie. We watched a 7:45pm showing of "No Country For Old Men". Please don't get me started about that movie...that is a whole post in itself. We decided to go to Starbucks afterward. Although I'm usually against having caffeine after 5pm, I figured we'd probably be up until at least 2am. I was right.

All's well that ends well. We left the tax accountant's house a little over an hour ago. It is now 5:21am. I will sleep for 3 1/2 hours, and wake up to call Chris's classmate(s) to let them know that he's too sick to go to class. Then I will try to get in another 3 1/2 hours and call my mom to see if she will keep my kids for the rest of the day. Then I will try to get another 2 hours of sleep.

Oh, in other news, the countdown to Orlando has officially begun. 2 weeks from now we will be waking up the kids, getting dressed, and ready to leave the house on our way! We are staying for 5 - 6 days. We really need this trip, and I hope that it's all I think it will be for the four of us.

Let's make this a great week

I napped for 3 hours today. Clearly I was completely exhausted. My hubby and I could barely keep our eyes open at church today, and that's completely unlike us. So it's 10:15pm right now. If I can be asleep by 11:30pm, I'll be ready to wake up t 5:30am refreshed. We're down to one car temporarily, so we can all leave the house at 7am, drop my hubby off by 7:15am. I can then have the kids at school by 8:15am and I will be able to get to work right before 9am. I know, it kind of sucks to leave your house at 7am and not get to work until 2 hours later, but we are used to adjusting and doing what we have to.

Praise report: My friend Chrissy L was able to bring her son home from the hospital on Friday! His surgery went very well, and he did a lot better than even the doctors expected. I'm so thankful and very happy for them! We've had a crazy weekend, so I haven't had time to call them when it wasn't to late in the evening...I'll touch base with them tomorrow to see how the little guy is doing. Thanks for the prayers and love for them!!

Wishing you a great and productive week!

Super/Fat Tuesday

Forgive the rambling...I've spent the last 5 hours listening to Super Tuesday elections results. It's got my head spinning. Also, Wednesday (which it technically is now, considering it's after midnight) begins the season of Lent. I need to think of something to sacrifice for 40 days (leading up to Easter Sunday).


It's time to kick it into gear. Period. For example, even though 2007 was better career-wise than 2006, it still wasn't even close to meeting the goals I had for myself. To be honest, I never actually set realistic, concrete goals in 2007. I just knew that I wanted to "be better" than I was the year before. I definitely accomplished that, but I still feel pretty crappy about where I am.

1/12 of 2008 is already over. What will I do differently in 2008?

I need more rest. I have started off this year not being in bed before midnight, every single night which is really bad. I am always SO tired every morning and usually don't drag my lazy butt out of bed until after 7am. That is ridiculous. We should be leaving the house by 7am at the latest. Before I go to bed, I should be laying out everyone's clothes, straightening up the house a little, bathing the kids,etc...and when we get up in the morning I should be fixing the kids a nice warm breakfast and able to leave the house without being frantic about the fact that I won't make it to the office until 9:30am. I have to leave work by 5pm at the latest, so I need to be in the office by 8am. Sux.

I need to spend MUCH MORE time with the Lord. My mind just isn't clear. Everything is so muddled in my head, and sometimes there's a feeling of dread. If I would fit an hour of time in with God, I would be able to hear Him more clearly and every little thing that seems to go wrong wouldn't affect me so drastically. Not to mention the fact that I would have a much stronger relationship to God, and be much more accessible to Him in order to actually live out my true purpose in His eyes.

I should be spending more quality time with my kids. By the time we get home I'm so wiped out that I barely feel like making anything for dinner, let alone engaging them in playtime or anything related to learning. To put it plain and simple, lately I haven't have much left emotionally for my babies by the time I get home from work. This is probably related to the lack of sleep we just went over.

See how everything goes back to ONE thing? Life is like that. We read self-help books, ask questions of people who know NO more than us, keep doubting ourselves, when the real answer to our questions and the real resolution to our problems always boils down to ONE thing. Lack of relationship with God. I'm not even sure that I'm living according to His will because I hardly fellowship with Him these days. What if everything I'm doing is going completely against His plan for me? It would definitely explain why I'm just coasting along looking for some shred of happiness. Yes, 2007 was a rough year for my family, but how much longer can I use that as an excuse? It's beginning to fray my nerves somewhat, which is a bad sign. Time to get back on track!

Stuck inside...again

Well, I guess I'm finally living the more realistic life of a parent. The kids are still battling these fevers. My son seems to mostly be over his, but my daughter woke up blazing hot this morning. The kids slept in the bed with my hubby, and I slept on the sofa because I'm too finicky to deal with two congested children, and a boxer within feet of me all at the same time while I'm trying to get some sleep.

Back when Chris and I had our son, my parents were SO available all of the time. My mom even spent a full two weeks at our house after we brought him home from the hospital. (As a side note, I suggest that new parents get the full experience for about a week by themselves before calling in the grandparents; you'll be able to appreciate them a lot more if you actually get to see how tiring it can be to care for a new infant - otherwise you'll probably constantly tread the line of "Hey, I'M the mother of this child so stop telling me what to do!")

But I digress. If you read this blog regularly you know that I lost my grandmother a month ago. She first got sick back on October 25, and my mom began caring for her 24/7 while she was hospitalized, transferred to a nursing home, etc... Before this, my parents have always been available to keep our kids (and my sister's kids) at a moment's notice. About once a month (sometimes twice) my hubby and I would get to have some time alone. I often found myself wondering how realistic this was. Many times I would cringe at having to call my mom and ask her if she would keep our kids overnight...again...after just keeping them two weeks ago, and keeping my sister's kids the previous week. You see, I'm of the belief that you have to be VERY careful what you ask of someone, and that you should never ask of someone else what you are not willing to do yourself. As it relates to my parents keeping our kids, there are a couple of reasons why I have always thought we should pull back on bugging them every other week or so:

1) Yes, I understand that grandparents LOVE spending time with their grandkids. It's really easy if you think of it that way. But ask yourself this question, When you become 50 years old, are you going to want to have toddlers at your house for the entire weekend for 3 weekends out of a month? Yes, that was a rhetorical question. If you are one of those few people that would answer, "Yes, I would LOVE that!", then you're in the clear. :-) However, if you are the person that's always trying to find someone to watch your kids on the weekends, then you are the type of person that wants to have your own time a lot...that doesn't change just because you turn 50 and have grandkids, people.

When my sister and I were little, we NEVER had babysitters. Even though my grandmother lived in my parents' house, my mom and dad NEVER left us overnight. They really enjoyed spending time with us. They would find things for us to do on the weekends together as a family. So, of course, as grandparents in their fifties, they haven't changed. They LOVE having the grandkids around on the weekends. That's the kind of people that they are. But we are all different. If you find someone to keep your kids overnight once or twice each month while you (and maybe your spouse) go off and do your own thing, it goes without saying that you aren't the kind of person that will want to spend 2 or 3 weekends out of the month watching your kids' kids. Yep, that's right, if you have more than one child, that's at least one grandchild per week. Something to think about huh?

2) Another reality that I am finally opening myself up to. We live in Atlanta, and it has finally become almost completely saturated. I know so many people who are entering fields that don't leave very many options in a small, but heavily populated city such as this. Many of these people are having to pack up their families and leave Atlanta. I have always been adversely opposed to this option. My husband has known since we got engaged not to even go where with me about leaving Atlanta. I was raised this way...you don't ever leave your family. Heck, living 30 minutes away from my parents was enough of a shock and jolt, so I couldn't imagine what would happen if God forbid we moved to another state! Not to mention the fact that we wouldn't have anyone to watch our kids overnight anymore. In fact, at this point, that is the only thing stopping me. I don't leave my kids with ANYONE except for my mom and dad. NO ONE. So if we moved away, my hubby and I would never have any alone time and that was a thought that I couldn't bear! Until now.

As I mentioned earlier in this post, it's been a little over 3 months since my hubby and I have had any time at all together to ourselves. We haven't even gone out to dinner together or anything. So, now, I know that we can bear this kind of reality if we have to. We have been forced to. We are tired all of the time, but we have just become more creative about things to do with the kids on the weekends. While the kids nap, we nap. We have become smarter with our free time. When my husband graduates from law school, if the best offer he receives (and by best I mean salary + hours + responsibility) is in Florida, or North Carolina, or somewhere else, we will have to at the very least consider it. For the first time in my life, this is an option for us, and makes things less stressful for my husband and his pending job search.

I know that this is an extremely long post, but I've been thinking about this for a while. These are the types of things that I don't have anyone to talk to about, so I just spill it all here. :-)

Nostalgia

–noun
1. a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time: a nostalgia for his college days.

I've been longing for happier times for quite some time now. If you follow my blog at all, you know that the past 3 months have been tough for me and my family. Today, during my regularly scheduled perusal of the blogosphere, I ran across an embedded Youtube video of Keith Sweat ft Jackie McGhee singing "Make it Last Forever" circa 1988. Ahhhhh, the good, old days.

Life was SO simple back when that song was in heavy rotation. I was in the 8th grade at Henderson High School. Every time I look back I think about all of the wasted opportunities in my past. Each time I look back, I want to cry over all of the people that I let down. Whenever I think on old times, I want to hop into a time machine and go back to 8th grade and start over. 8th grade was the virtual "fork in the road" moment in my life. This was my chance to shape my destiny, and shape it I did. I got excepted into an amazing school, and all of the accelerated programs and classes within it. Unfortunately for me, being a braniac wasn't good enough anymore. Actual "work" was required to succeed at this school, and I had ZERO experience with actually working.

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As I was typing this post light night, I heard a LOUD scream coming from my son's room. I ran in there and saw my 2 year-old daughter holding her head in her hands and blood on her face! She and her brother were playing even though they were told to go to bed, and she had obviously fallen and hit her forehead on the foot of my son's bed. My husband and I spent the rest of the night tending to her. I'll have to revisit my thoughts on nostalgia another time, hopefully soon.

Lessons Learned

I have learned a heck of a lot over the past few months. I've been feeling as though "life" has been kicking me in the butt. However, now that I've had some time to reflect on all that I have gone through, a new perspective is beginning to form.

Going through the loss of a loved one causes one to experience a lot more than just grief. I spent the entire week with my mom helping to take care of all of the arrangements for my grandmother's funeral last week. Trying the grasp the fact that my grandmother is gone just feels impossible. But in addition to this, I had to deal with a lot of other emotions.

For example, I have always felt that my mother is more partial to my younger sister than she is to me. After I had been married for a few years, I mostly got over it and figured that maybe I was being silly to think this for so many years. But I realized last week that I still harbor some negative feelings. In the interest of being careful not to say too much here, I'll wrap up by pointing out that I have a lot of work to do on my end to finally do away with the negative feelings that are stored way in the depths of my heart. Feelings like this just don't come up sometimes unless something as extreme as death occurs. My family is in enough pain, and I don't want any feelings of resentment on my part to contribute any unnecessary pain or negativity.

I feel really good about 2008. I only have a couple of resolutions:

1) Get more rest
2) Spend more time with my children
3) Prepare better meals for myself and my kids
4) Love harder
5) No more false promises

This is enough for now.

Very Sad End to 2007

My grandmother gave up the fight last night. She passed away shortly after 11:30pm from respiratory failure. I am in complete shock. It doesn't compute in my mind, and I know that this is typically the first stage of grief, and I'm trying to steady myself for the remaining ones. My grandmother has been a huge part of my life since my birth, and I cannot believe that she's gone.

The last two months were rough for her. She went from Emory Hospital, to a nursing home, back to another Emory geriatric hospital between October 25 and yesterday. The one thing that truly worries me is how my mom will cope with this as time moves forward. Right now we're in the hectic phase of planning the funeral service. An announcement will be written in tomorrow's AJC announcing her death. There is so much to say about my grandmother. I am who I am because of her. I will post more on her a little later.

RIP, my beautiful, precious Ma. You remain a huge part of this family and I thank you for all of your love and sacrifices you've made for us.

My Hubby's Blog

My husband created a blog a few months back. Since he is in law school, he just doesn't actually have time for extra stuff outside of studying and court during the week. Therefore, he doesn't ever find the time to post entries.

Last night while we were unwinding from such a busy few days, I noticed him posting an entry to his blog. After he finished, I scrolled down his blog and noticed a previous entry already there. It was an obituary my husband wrote for our dog Sheba who passed away back on October 31. The date of his post was November 1, the very next day. I didn't even realize that he had written anything about Sheba. He had finished the entry, but was waiting to publish it after he had the chance to add some more pictures of Sheba. He never found the time to go digging for the pictures due to the aforementioned business of school. After I brought up the entry to him last night, he grabbed a few pictures I had on my laptop, and uploaded them along with a couple of extra sentences.

Here is my husband's post entitled "Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend".

The Saturday Before Christmas

The hubby, kids and I... went out to Golden Corral for breakfast this morning. The kids were REALLY well-behaved. Much more so than normal. I want to attribute this to my consistency as of late as a firm mom. I've continued to be nurturing, but I've been adding a lot of tough love lately. You may have noticed from previous posts that it's been brought to my attention lately that I suck as a mom. Okay that's kind of harsh, but I definitely have to do a much better job of implementing a balance of love and discipline with the kids.

Also, the hubby and I... finally got all of the Christmas shopping for the kids finished. The kids are getting SO much stuff this year, that Chris and I had to bag up and ship to Goodwill almost 3/4 of the toys they already have just to make room for what we bought them today. (Never mind what they still have to open from other family members)

I haven't updated... on my grandmother in a long time. I think I mentioned in a previous post that she was finally released from the hospital and admitted to a rehabilitation facility until she was well enough to resume living with my mom. She was admitted to a geriatric hospital on Friday (yesterday) morning due to complications from severe chest congestion which appeared to be pneumonia. By yesterday evening, the doctor at the hospital said that the x-ray came back and showed no signs that my grandmother had pneumonia. This is the second time in less than two months that my grandmother has entered a hospital and been diagnosed with pneumonia only to be told hours later that she didn't have it. The whole thing is really frustrating...everytime things begin looking up for my grandmother, there's another setback to her health and progress. It almost feels like she will be dealing with this for the rest of her life. But I know my Father better than to even begin to have a lack of hope like this and to accept such negativity.

I just finished watching... "Dorothy Dandrige: An American Beauty". What a tragedy. Much is made of the impact the 1940's - 60's racist America had on Dorothy's troubled life and lack of deserved success. Even though this is very much the case, I was personally more troubled by her horrible family life. Did you know that Dorothy's mother abandoned their father, and took Dorothy and her sister Vivian with her? She began a lesbian relationship with a woman who would ultimately physically, sexually, and emotionally victimize Dorothy for all of her childhood. I often hear people remark on the fact that Dorothy never had luck in her love life as she became an adult and even throughout her entire career. Well of course she didn't! Life is hard enough when you have a stable upbringing. I can't imagine trying to make decisions and cope with adversity when your own home is essentially a prison.

This is probably TMI... (too much info), but I have had a pain in my lower abdominal area for the past 36 hours or so. I'm not sure what is contributing to this. It's not a throbbing or dull pain or anything like that. More of a feeling of pressure that ranges from minor to slightly intense. For you women who have had kids, it reminds me of the way it felt when I was pregnant and the baby was sitting on my bladder. My hubby reminded me that I spent Thursday morning doing my own version of full cardio hour via my iPod and a bunch of dance moves that I haven't tried since earlier this year when I was in perfect shape. I probably pulled an ab muscle. I must note that I called my OB/GYN doctor tonight to see if he could diagnose the problem, and he sounded very bored with me.

I guess I'll try to rest now and hopefully I'll get over this very uncomfortable abdominal issue. I've got a ton of gifs to wrap tomorrow!

New mom

If a Motherhood 101 class actually existed yours truly would be the first person who would need to sign up. Today was not good. I needed it though, but it has become clear to me that I don't have a clue how to raise my children properly.

My son had a field trip yesterday morning to The Center for Puppetry Arts. Things went from bad to worse throughout the morning. His behavior was simply deplorable. Yes, he's only 3, but his behavior was bad even for a 3-year old in my opinion.

I won't get into details, but I will say that yesterday was a major turning point for me. The way that my children behave is a direct reflection of how I raise them. At some point in the future I will hopefully look back upon yesterday with a slight chuckle and think to myself, "I had no idea what I was doing back then!"

Things are gonna change around here. :-)

Real Life Drama: Update

Remember the situation that the kids and I were involved in a few weeks ago? I am not exaggerating when I say that every other day or so since then I have been receiving phone calls and emails asking me if I'm okay; even as recently as today. There have been no less than 30 individuals overall who have approached me about this situation that they saw on the local news. This afternoon I found it interesting to reflect on how my friends and family reacted after seeing or finding out about this news story:

1) Most of the people who called to check on me actually waited at least a few days before contacting me. They all said the exact same thing: they figured that so much was going on and I probably didn't want to be bothered. They guessed that I would just want to spend time with my family. Most of them sounded really shaken, even though they already knew I was okay by the time I spoke with them. Their genuine concern really meant a lot.

2) A few people contacted me the same evening or the very next morning! These individuals are not people that I'm in intimately close relationships with (i.e. My VP, a few of my managers, friends from middle/high school, etc...) It was so thoughtful for them to get in touch with me immediately, even though I'm not in close personal relationships with them.

3) A few of my friends didn't know about it until I brought it up to them. Some of them responded in anger that they missed out on the opportunity to be there for me during the situation. That meant a whole lot as well. Seriously, it feels wonderful and is very comforting to know that people care.

My favorite of all, though, is my hairstylist. I spoke with him over the phone today; here's a snippet of the conversation:

Stylist: "Girl, did I see you on the news a few weeks ago?"

Me: "YES!! OMG, drama right??"

Stylist: "Girl yes! But I was happy for you."

Me: "Oh, thanks!"

Stylist: "Yes, your hair was looking fierce that night!"

ROFL!!! I LOVE my stylist. :-)

Pre-Thanksgiving preparations

Every year since I've been married I've always spent the Monday and Tuesday of Thanksgiving week "talking" about how I plan to spend ALL DAY Wednesday slaving over a hot stove. And sure enough every year for 7 years, I have spent the Wednesday before Thanksgiving the exact same way: lounging in front of the TV with snacks and soda. Today marks the first time that I've ever actually followed through with my original plan.

My grandmother is still in the hospital (although we're finally starting to see some real progress!!) so my mom and dad were not able to cook dinner this year. This is the first time in my entire life that my parents haven't cooked Thanksgiving dinner. Every year, my parents take care of the bulk of the cooking, while my sister and I coordinate on who will bring which side dishes. I am famous for both the macaroni and cheese and the potato salad that I prepare. This year, I also cooked cornbread dressing and sweet potato souffle (which I actually made last year for the first time as well). My hubby is very honest, and I sometimes dread his comments if I ask his opinion of what I prepared. I need his honesty so that I can get better, but after spending 9 hours cooking, sometimes it can be tough to deal well with criticism. I know that he hates cornbread dressing, but that happens to be my favorite Thanksgiving dish. He tasted it, and he actually said that was the best dressing that he had ever tasted in his life. YAY! I know that the macaroni will be the bomb along with the other dishes. But I was really concerned about how that dressing would turn out. My hubby is preparing greens w/smoked turkey and has already bought the turkey from Honey Baked Ham.

So the complete menu consists of: Turkey, cornbread dressing, macaroni & cheese, greens, sweet potato souffle, cornbread, potato salad, cranberries, and Dutch apple pie a-la mode. And this is only for two adults and two toddlers. How do those grandmothers with about 40 different people rolling through their house get everything prepared? They must begin cooking Thanksgiving dinner on Halloween or something.

Hard to believe that this year is winding down. If we make it to December 31 unscathed I'll begin obesessing over our Spring Break trip to Disney next March before we know it. :-)

Attitude of Thanksgiving

It's so easy to think about what we don't have, isn't it? I wish I had a bigger home so that my kids could have more room to run around. I wish we had more money so that we wouldn't have to live paycheck to paycheck. I wish I had nicer clothes, more shoes, and trendier handbags, and on, and on, and on.

Thinking like this removes any focus at all on the things that we should be thankful for. I think about the fact that we spend all day taking and demanding. Why do we think we deserve so much? The Lord has provided my family with so much, and yet today I found myself throwing a little pity party for myself. You see, I was watching Oprah this afternoon because I heard it was taped in Macon, GA, a small town about 45 minutes south of my